When you take this many meds

  
I don’t know why, but filling my pill organizer bums me out big time. It’s just like, am I *really* this many prescriptions crazy?! 

Soooooo, I got into a really bad car accident the other day and I think partly it was because I’m so damned tired all the time, we switched up the times I take my meds and added something to help me sleep at night. Anyhow, the EMT on the way to the hospital asked me if I’m taking any meds. LMFAO. Where do I start? 

15mg deplin 

40mg fluoxetine 

8mg perphenazine 

300mg lamotrigine 

.5mg clonazepam 

I mean, is this a normal cocktail? I feel like a science experiment. I now understand why people go off their meds. I’m not saying I will, I just understand. 

So I haven’t posted anything in awhile, I’m sure everyone (who am I kidding?) has been thinking,
“Huh? Wonder where she went, she must have died or something [insert chuckle].”
Except with Bipolar Disorder, it kind of could be the reality. But hey, here I am, alive and…. well?

My cycles are triggered by the seasons, so by now I’m pretty far down the rabbit hole and by Christmas I’m usually a suicidal heap, laying in bed trying to gather the energy to even come up with a plan to off myself. However, I’ve been medicated for about 10 months now and I’m only mildly depressed. I get out of bed if I need to and don’t “play sick” though I’m pretty sure I was legit sick.
If I don’t have to get out of bed, like say for example, Thanksgiving break, I only stay in bed till noon or 1pm at the latest. Don’t judge. Before, I wouldn’t even get of bed.
My “nurse practitioner/psych” advised me to up my dose of fluoxetine if I started to get down, but I can’t remember how much and I can’t get ahold of her, which sucks, because seriously, I don’t want to go further down that hole.

Anyhow, my goals for this holiday season are:
1. To get a tree and actually pull out the ornaments before Xmas eve and who knows, maybe I’ll even help decorate.
2. Do my Xmas shopping before Xmas, not wait until halfway through January when I start feeling a little better.
3. Wake up Xmas morning without wanting to crawl under the blankets and sob.
4. Open presents with my kids and maybe even smile.
5. Refrain from eating bullets.
6. Remove the tree corpse before February.

Merry Shortest Days of the Year Biotches.

So, olanzapine (zyprexa) is out and perphenzine is in.
The olanzapine was causing me some serious digestive issues like constipation, gas, stomach pain and the dreaded weight gain. Pretty sure half of that weight gain was because I haven’t been able to poop for a month. I’m starting to feel like a science experiment, I know that it’s supposedly normal to be going through a lot of med changes, but at times it just frustrating.
So in the meantime, cheers to perphenzine and another merit badge.

So because of the events in the past couple of weeks, it was up in the air if I was going to be able to go to Burning Man. With the bad seroquel reaction and me starting the zyprexa and prozac, there was concern that I might have an episode on the playa.
I’ve been super stable for a couple of weeks now, so my psych gave me the thumbs up!! Yay!!
Plus, they have really good psych services there, so worst case scenario I should be covered on all bases.
And for the first year EVER I was able to pull my shit together and do all of the things that I’ve wanted to do out there. For FIVE years I’ve been saying that I want to bring a ton of henna out there to do henna tattoos as my gift, and I *actually* have everything and will do it!!
I’m very excited!