So I haven’t posted anything in awhile, I’m sure everyone (who am I kidding?) has been thinking,
“Huh? Wonder where she went, she must have died or something [insert chuckle].”
Except with Bipolar Disorder, it kind of could be the reality. But hey, here I am, alive and…. well?

My cycles are triggered by the seasons, so by now I’m pretty far down the rabbit hole and by Christmas I’m usually a suicidal heap, laying in bed trying to gather the energy to even come up with a plan to off myself. However, I’ve been medicated for about 10 months now and I’m only mildly depressed. I get out of bed if I need to and don’t “play sick” though I’m pretty sure I was legit sick.
If I don’t have to get out of bed, like say for example, Thanksgiving break, I only stay in bed till noon or 1pm at the latest. Don’t judge. Before, I wouldn’t even get of bed.
My “nurse practitioner/psych” advised me to up my dose of fluoxetine if I started to get down, but I can’t remember how much and I can’t get ahold of her, which sucks, because seriously, I don’t want to go further down that hole.

Anyhow, my goals for this holiday season are:
1. To get a tree and actually pull out the ornaments before Xmas eve and who knows, maybe I’ll even help decorate.
2. Do my Xmas shopping before Xmas, not wait until halfway through January when I start feeling a little better.
3. Wake up Xmas morning without wanting to crawl under the blankets and sob.
4. Open presents with my kids and maybe even smile.
5. Refrain from eating bullets.
6. Remove the tree corpse before February.

Merry Shortest Days of the Year Biotches.